Greetings all my long suffering and mostly non-existent fans! Having made the heartfelt and deeply meaningful commitment to myself to actually do one post per month here at Blaggard's Blog, which is, by the way, the most highly rated new blog EVER to make an appearance by that particular name, I have decided that I will delve into an insightful, yet somehow meaningfully human and comfortably warm, analysis of that most American of quasi-prostitutional social endeavors, politics! Not that I think that anyone should actually care what I happen to think about politics, since I, almost without exception, care nothing at all about what you think about politics, but, again, I remind both myself and you that I write these horrible little discourses for (almost, but not quite exclusively) my own amusement and edification. The little voices in my head like to get out and play in the cyber world from time to time, and this medium is somewhat more hygienic than simply scribbling my random thoughts on the restroom door at a local McDonalds. Plus, people look at you funny there. So there you go.
Anyway, POLITICS! What an important topic you say! What a privilege and responsibility to be a part of the American democratic process! Don't complain unless you vote! The check's in the mail! I have protection! And so it goes. American politics is, if I may use the singular here even though it sort of sounds plural, in my esteemed and considered opinion, a lot of crap. Hot, steaming, crap. And lots of it. And it's not made any less crap-ular because people get all self-righteous about it. The system is rigged, just like the worst carney game at the county fair, and even more than the American insurance and health care industries, and THAT'S saying something. But it is understandable, if you keep a few simple rules in mind.
RULE NUMBER ONE: There is NO, repeat NO, real difference between the two major parties. The candidates, advisers, pundits, office holders, and every other blood sucking leech that makes a career out of manipulating and abusing the American people are exactly, completely, totally, and whole-heartedly IDENTICAL to each other in method and purpose. They are in the system for the promotion of their OWN interests, and any marginal service they provide for their constituencies is merely window dressing. So, if you are a devout Christian and feel that the Republican party actually has the tiniest bit of sympathy for or commitment to your moral interests in issues like abortion, then you are just as delusional as a Black person who feels that the Democratic party actually cares a rat's ass about social justice or civil rights. Neither party gives a damn about anything other than the preservation of their own status and power. Either party will gladly, happily, and intentionally sell the personal and political interests of their constituents to whatever special interest or foreign government that will cut the biggest check. So before we go ANY further, get comfortable with this idea: THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE DEMOCRATIC AND REPUBLICAN POLITICAL MACHINES - IN FACT, THEY BOTH HATE AND ABUSE YOU EQUALLY.
But I can hear the clamor and outrage surging through the internet. Elections have consequences! Clinton/Bush/Obama/Lincoln/Hoover had to FIGHT to push their agenda through! MY candidate LOVES me! Bullshit.
RULE NUMBER TWO: The parties create and nurture grievances and insecurities specifically to attract and control certain specific groups of people (these groups, commonly referred to as VOTING BLOCKS, are the raw materials from which politicians create their public images) in order to tie down as many people as possible into particular and emotional mindsets. Once the politician gets people to actually believe that THEY care about global warming or Hillary's emails, then the politician's job is over. Done. Finished. The politician will never willingly solve or address the issue in question because to do so would eliminate the voting block that is carried along by the issue. Ever wonder why we still have inner city poverty after trillions spent on the "war" against it? Because the Democrats NEED poor Black votes. If Black people were successful they might care more about the stock market, and the Republicans have already called dibs on that issue, so the secret is to keep Black people poor. Address minor things, sure. Make speeches, sure. Wail and cry and swear that you would give your life's blood to end the scourge of poverty, sure. But keep them damn people poor and voting like we tell them. Same for anti-abortion Christians. Go on tv and talk about your religion, sure. Encourage people to march, fine. Even place stupid amendments in bills that you know are NEVER going to pass in order to make a show of your commitment, fine. But, by God, nobody in Washington will ever seriously modify the current status of abortion because it provides TWO DEDICATED VOTING BLOCKS! It's in BOTH parties best interest to do nothing in order to keep people angry and antagonized against the other party because of abortion, so nothing will ever be done.
With me so far? OK then, Since neither party really stands for anything except their own self interest, and since no fundamental issue will ever be resolved because doing so would create social harmony instead of politically useful fractionalization, it stands to reason that....
RULE NUMBER THREE: NO reasonable American would EVER vote for any candidate endorsed by either of the major parties. All major party nominees are more PRODUCTS than people, and they owe their position exclusively to the system and the big money donors for whom it operates. Voters are, at best, necessary evils to be tolerated, just like the crooked faith healer tolerates the poor, uneducated hicks who flock to the tent revivals and send donations from their Social Security checks. The scam artist needs the mark, but he doesn't respect the mark. Neither does the politician respect the "true believer" voter. But he or she needs them. Voting for either party is the best way to ensure that nothing good will ever happen in Washington. And third party candidates never win, so that's out. But wait..
What about the DONALD???? He's running within a major party, but the party HATES him!! The Republican establishment is going ape poop about Trump "stealing" their apparatus without bowing down to the establishment playbook. BOTH the Dems and Pubs are talking about Donald being unqualified, a joke, an embarrassment, a threat, and whatever else. Why? Because he doesn't owe his identity and political clout to the system, that's why. It's like he's, damn, can I say it, it's like he's a real person, sort of, with lots of money and bad hair, but still. Trump is the first non-machine presidential candidate of my lifetime. I will probably never see another one with any real chance of winning, since the stars will never align like this again, but damn!
Now finally, for those of you who might have reservations about Trump, just remember these simple facts.
I. All politicians are ignorant and unqualified for their office. They just pay lots of people to make them appear qualified.
II. All politicians are ignorant and unqualified for office. That includes any alternative to Trump just as much as it does to Trump himself.
III. All politicians are ignorant and unqualified for office. But they have been playing the game by their rules so long they never imagined that somebody could just come by and pee in their electoral pool.
IV. All politicians are ignorant and unqualified for office. But all the others NEED the current system of confusion, division, and downright criminal activity in order to keep themselves afloat. Donald doesn't
V. All politicians are ignorant and unqualified for office. And if you EVER wanted to give the political establishment a good, soul cleansing, self affirming, hard kick in the nuts, then you now actually have a chance. A chance unlikely ever to be repeated. You can give them Donald.
Any questions?
